I'm scared

No  Such a simple word  One syllable  Two letters  One word and everything can stop  Just one word  But I seem to be falling short  I try and try to say it  I know I need to  This can't carry on But I can't  Idk why but I can't  I imagine your face  And I think  Do I have to Let's do it another day  Time and time again  I push it further into the darkest parts of my brain  One day I won't remember  Remember this feeling  Or how to  say that word  It will only exist  As a pipe dream  With me as it's puppet

 I pick it up  It's a nice colour you know  Not that anyone ever cares about that They all like I'm an idiot  Like I don't know what I'm doing  Why I'm doing  I do  I do it to live To feel alive To remind me that I'm still here As hard as it seems  I have to be  Why they ask  I say it's fun  It feels nice  It does  As I gently push  It leaves a mark  Some darker than others Like  a temporary tattoo  That no person apart form me has control over  I can't stop  It's addictive 

 That time in the yr Where everything Everyone, changes Why, I don't know but they do It's loud Their lots of voices Small, big, loud, quiet What am I doing here How did I get here I wanna leave I get up They turn to look at me Those eyes They burn holes through me As if to say we've got you But why What have I done I can't move As if those eyes Can shoot But they can't I know they can't So why why can't I move...

 I here u  I here everyone  U may not say it  But u don't have too  It hurts u know I may not show it  But deep  I do have a heart  And as dark and broken  as it may be  It's still beating      

I'm scared Scared of me  Scared of you  Scared of us Why show such kindness Such care  As if we could be  But we can't I know that  But still it's addicting  Those msg filled with love and care  If  I took a leap of faith  That could be all mine But what if you reject me  And I fall back into my abyss  Now I have tasted it  I don't think I can live without it You have made me addicted  Addicted to you  To your love Your kindness  Your warmth  And it's scary I'm scared

 I built a fortress  My own home That helped me to block out the light  Always and forever  But it seems to breaking  Slowly little cracks showing No matter how hard I cover them up  Another one will come  I am ship that had been sailing fine But now has wholes where water floods Even if I close every the gap I can't erase it  Still I will have a water  Still the light seeps thru  And there's nothing I can do  But I must do something  I can't let u ruin my hard work I can't let u break down my walls Only to see how broken I am I won't  I won't  Even if it means pushing you away Hurting you  I'll do it  So you don't have to see how i am falling apart I don't want u to care Cause it hurts  It hurts to care  It hurts to love  It hurts to live  And I'm falling apart  But I won't drag u down with me